and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
