Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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