Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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