i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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