And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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