You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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