im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
