Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
