I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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