WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
