was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize