if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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