My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
