Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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