I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
