made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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