I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Someone signed my nipple.
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