That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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