I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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