somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
