I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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