is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
