i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize