I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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