she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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