Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
