this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
