someone owes me an orgasm
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
