I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
