There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
