Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You were trust falling into bushes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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