Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
