i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
