just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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