so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
