I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
