He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize