I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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