i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
