I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
