Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize