No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
