somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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