i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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