dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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