The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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