escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
