Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
