I am in a vortex of obligation.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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