does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
