He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
