And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently you make a good broom.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
