He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize