Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
