conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
