it wasn't lemon gatorade
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
