When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
