Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
