im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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