Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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