I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
