I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
