Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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