i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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