If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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