I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
