I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
