he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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