Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
