You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
