we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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